The Christmas Ornament

So I have this thing for having a new special/meaningful ornament for our Christmas tree every year. An ornament that reminds us of a memory, of something to reminisce, to remind us of life....

It hasn't always been that way, I mean growing up we had ornaments that were special, but I never thought much of it and I never felt like I needed a new one each year.

That changed when I met Brett, his mom Fran bought us an ornament our first Christmas while we were dating. I just thought it was so special that she would buy us a custom ornament with our names and the date while we were only dating, it really made me feel like such a part of the family.

Fran gave us ornaments all of the following years, with our names and the date, each year they were different and special in their own way. When Fran passed away tragically in September of 2007 we were heartbroken......devastated and shocked, so much of it reminds me of Carrisa... No time for goodbyes, no hospital visit, just gone....

That following Christmas I remember putting up our Christmas ornaments and looking at all of the one's Frans had given us and just feeling so sad that we wouldn't be getting one from her that year....

Although, I was so very thankful for the few we had from her, so that we wouldn't forget, so that at each Christmas we could remember what a special person she was in our life, so we could tell Maya about her....

From then on I have really wanted a special and meaningful ornament. We got one when we bought our first house, we got one when Maya was born, and we also got our first Family ornament.

We also have this tradition of buying a Starbucks ornament every year, yes we love Starbucks!

It is fun to look back at the dates and what life what like then. I am a reminiscer... I can't help it, with the life I have had I feel like it is the only way I remember some of the people I have loved so much and lost.

This year I was trying to figure out what our "perfect" ornament would be. As many of you know we lost a baby in July and have been trying to get pregnant since. I found what I thought was the perfect ornament the "expecting mom ornament," because I was sure that just a few weeks before Christmas we would find out that I was pregnant. I had it in my head perfectly, I had been keeping track of my temperature, following my pink pad app, and was doing everything we needed to in order to become pregnant. This was it, it was going to be the month I would get pregnant and I would have my perfect ornament for Brett to open on Christmas Eve and be so excited!
On December 10th I got my period, and I was really upset, I cried, I didn't understand..... On December 11th my sister died........and the last thing I wanted in the world was to be pregnant, it didn't matter anymore.
I didn't have my special ornament for the year, but that didn't matter either.

When we got to Carrisa's house I remember seeing her cute Christmas tree, decorated in mostly pink, with pink stockings hanging by it for her and Norah.



I loved that tree had so many pink ornaments, as I looked around I saw a turquoise high heel ornament, I totally loved it! I mean who else has a high heel hanging from their tree except for my sister??


This was the "perfect" ornament for our tree this year. I took it, because that ornament will have more meaning than any other ornament on our tree. It says so much about Carrisa, it is sparkling, just like her, unique, just like her, and stylish, just like her. It doesn't need to say anything, because the shoe says it all itself.