What about Norah?

So as many of you know Brett and I lost a baby this past July (2010). I was 10 weeks pregnant and due in February, on my birthday. This loss was very unexpected and very devastating...... partly because it reminded us so much of the heartache and loss in our life, but also because we desire so strongly to have a bigger family and more children. I never even for one second had a chance to meet my baby on earth.......


On Sunday, December 5th 2010 while listening to a sermon at church I just felt this sense that maybe part of our life included adopting a child someday. I didn't say anything to Brett, because I wanted it to be a burden the Lord put on his heart without me saying a word. When I thought of adoption, I thought of many years down the road, like after we were done having children, and fairly financially set.
On Tuesday, December 7th I met with my friend Liane for Dinner. We were having good heart conversations and I mentioned to her what I felt the Lord spoke to me about adoption and then didn't talk much more about it.
On Friday, December 10th, I got my period and was completely devastated because I felt like it was the perfect time to get pregnant.
On December 11th, I got a heartbreaking phone call, Carrisa, my sister was gone.... In that instant, there was something I have not mentioned yet, is that I thought of Norah.... I mean, who really couldn't think of Norah, and what God had in store for her life with no mother? My heart sank...... but I recalled what the Lord had spoken to me about adoption. Was this why he had planted this in my heart? Were we suppose to take Norah? I suddenly felt so relieved to have my period.....and not be pregnant

After starting to pack our suitcases my husband looked at me and said, "What about Norah? Maybe we should look at adopting her." My husband had brought this up on his own, without me saying anything. We just kind of looked at each other, prayed and didn't say much more until the plane ride.

It was really strange for us to think this was even a conversation we were having about our future, were we suppose to adopt Norah? Gosh, I didn't even want to think about it, I just wanted to grieve my sister, but Norah's situation broke our hearts.....

When we got to California Brett and I did say anything to anyone about adopting Norah. We really felt like if it was what God intended it would be made apparent to others. On Tuesday, December 14th,I was really feeling such a great burden for Norah and more and more. I was praying in my bed at night and I asked God, "if you really want us to take Norah, put the burden on my parents heart and make it known to them." About 30 seconds later I could hear Brett in the kitchen talking to my mom and I could hear my mom say, "have you guys thought about adopting Norah..........?"

I immediately got really excited and really scared at the same time. I knew that God was speaking to our hearts to be Norah's parents and it was really scary and overwhelming. About 1 million things went through my head, literally. It is hard for me to grasp trying to raise my own child and now suddenly feeling like I might be responsible for my sisters child........ it is a feeling I cannot express........ I would just much rather have my sister here on earth and never have to think about this.

There were many ways God continued to confirm our thoughts. We really keep quite about adopting Norah because we wanted to be sensitive to God and others. However, we did mention it to a few pastors and Carrisa's best friend Lyndsey. After we told Lyndsey I will never forget what she said, " I am relieved and I feel like it is what Carrisa would have wanted......" When she said that it meant so much, because Lyndsey knew Carrisa better than any of us. Suddenly there were many other people confirming these thoughts and desires without us saying a word. God was working and it was very evident.

As for my parents, they have been awesome! Of course, immediately they took responsibility of Norah and are taking care of her until we have a better idea of what it means to adopt and have guardianship. I have no doubt they would be wonderful parents to Norah and would have taken the responsibility themselves if it wasn't for their age. They will in their 70's when Norah is 10, and we just don't want to take the risk of her having to be moved around again if something happens to them.

Norah does have a living father who has been so gracious!! I know that her loves her immensely, he is just not in the position in life to take her on on his own. He has unselfishly allowed us this opportunity and we are so grateful!

Isn't it strange how God works sometimes? For something I was so sad about, losing our baby, right now I am so thankful for, because if we were having a baby in February it would have been a much harder decision. I know He has a plan..

There are lots of questions about adoption now, about how everything works and when and how. For those who read this blog you will go through that process with us because right now we don't know a whole lot. We know it is going to cost quite a bit of money, and that it is a lengthy process and that is about all. Many people have asked us if we are excited, and my best respose is, that excited is not the right word.....it is more like honored

me & Norah
(this photo was taken in November, when I last saw Carrisa, she actually took this picture)

To help raise even a little support I decided to make something called "The Carrisa Collection." It is a collection of headbands, clippies, broaches ,and kitchen towels that I have made with a fabric that reminds me of Carrisa. These items can be purchased to have something not only to remind you of Carrisa, but all of the proceeds will go to the adoption process.

I will post these items tomorrow where they can be purchased on ETSY, but here is a sneak peak

Our live feels so crazy right now!! Ready to come join the adventure?