18 months

18 months.  That is how old Norah was when her mommy died.  That is how old Sarah is now.  It is such a strange feeling, realizing how little Norah was, yet how much she knew and was capable of and what it would be like for Sarah right now if something were to happen to me.  Really, Norah was just a baby!

  

I look at Sarah and how much she has developed, how she is so attached to me, her world is "mama"  She always wants me, wants me to hold her, to play with her, to watch her.  She is so excited when I come home, she knows I have been gone, and I know in my heart that if I were to never return she would know something was wrong.  "Why did mama never come home, did I do something wrong?"  It leaves me with a knot in my stomach.  Just life being stripped away from the one person you are most attached to, and to never have to again, that is what happened to Norah.

This also make me realize how remarkable Norah's attachment and bonding to our family has been.  She was young enough to not understand what happened to her mom, but old enough to know something was wrong and  that we were not her parents, that we were not a regular part of her life.   I just think back to when we got her, how it was just in a matter of days  before she was calling me mommy, it is truly amazing and a gift from God.  I actually think one of the biggest helps was Maya, if we had not had Maya I think the transition would have been harder.  Norah got to be in a room with Maya, play with Maya, copy what Maya was calling us, "mommy & daddy".  Maya really has been the key and the bond and relationship between these two sisters is soooo very special.

Sarah turning this age leaves me with a sad feeling and realization of just what an impact loosing a mommy at this age really means.