Just what I need....

I will be gone to Florida for a few days for a little R & R with a good friend.  So thankful this trip was booked and paid for before Carrisa passed away............

Answering Some Questions

A lot of people have been asking why it cost so much to adopt our own niece.  I wish I could understand why it is such a long and costly process to adopt our own family member, but that is just how the system works....... For now I will try to give a brief description.

Why all of the expense for Adoption?

Brett and I contacted a kinship agency in Colorado Springs (one that helps family members adopt their own family).  When I contacted them they pretty much said that our situation was out of their league, since it was across states.  They told us to contact a lawyer.   We contacted several other sources, all of them pretty much telling us the same thing...... you need a lawyer.  We looked at several different options for lawyers, but when we found Seth Grob of Evergreen Colorado when knew it was the right choice (He is a Christian and has helped hundreds of families adopt children, and even recently helped a family in our church adopt twins from Haiti).

Seth was able to clarify many things for us.  The first was that we won't be able to adopt Norah for 1 year.....  We first will have to become her guardians, which costs money and this is part of the expense of adoption, first becoming her guardians.   Then there is the paperwork,  the lawyer time involved (lawyers are not exactly cheap), court costs, the background checks, and the home study (which runs about $2000).

About how much will the whole adoption process cost?

All in all the whole process will probably cost about $10,000,  Yikes!  We are not worried though.  We know that God will help provide.    We had to give Seth a retainer of $4000 last week( kind of like a pre-payment) .  We prayed that God would provide that money quickly and by Thursday we had raised $4010, and on Friday the retainer check cleared!!  We were A.M.A.Z.E.D at how God provided! He is taking care of us.

Thank you everyone for your donations!  We love every amount even the $5 donations, because it is all of the little ones that make a big difference, and for us it is just the thought and the time involved to make a donation!  Also, thank you to everyone for your ETSY purchases!  I will keep making things for a while.....  I feel like by making things in honor of Carrisa I am still loving her.....

Till He returns or calls me home

We finally got Carrisa's autopsy results in (over 4 weeks after she died.)  We are so thankful that we finally got some kind of answer, it really seems like it has been forever!

The final report was that Carrisa died from, "cardiac dysrhythmia."  In simplified terms it means that her heart beat went off rhythm and could not get back on.  The paramedics were at the scene within 3 minutes of Carrisa passing out, 3 minutes, that is quick!  They did use an AED, which helps to shock the heart back into the right rhythm and that did not even work, just 3 minutes later..... that is crazy to me!! Carrisa also had a secondary problem of atherosclerosis, which is hardening of the arteries.  A big reason why she had this is from her childhood "Kawasaki Disease," which gave her high blood pressure for many years, causing her arteries to harden at a much earlier age.   My mom read the report to a family friend that is a Dr., he mentioned that there was a significant part of her heart damaged and it made her heart much stiffer, which interfered with the electric impulses to her heart, causing the dysrhythmia.   I really believe the underlying problem, what prevented her heart from coming out of the arrhythmia was the long term effects of Kawasaki Disease.   It was amazing that Carrisa was functioning at all with the amount of damage to her heart, and that she was able to deliver a baby a little over a year ago!

Photo taken shortly before Carrisa went to be with Jesus

It is strange, I thought knowing how Carrisa died would somehow make me feel better, just knowing....... but it really didn't change anything, it just brought up more questions.  I am glad for Norah's sake that we have an answer, and for the rest of the families health.   I know Carrisa was really trying to get healthier, especially for Norah and it makes me so upset, despite her efforts that it just wasn't in time.....she had not given up yet....

A memory

I have had some very hard moments.  Sometimes I wish there were more memories of Carrisa from when we were adults....  I mean,  I moved away from California when I was 20 years old (Carrisa 17) and have been away for 9 years.   It is harder with distance.

Brett and I have sometimes struggled with the fact that we are always traveling to see family.  We have family in California, Missouri, Texas, friends in Nebraska and we feel like we are always going to them, and hardly anyone comes here, to Colorado (especially since Fran passed away).  We are always using our vacation time and money to see family, which is wonderful, but sometimes we just want a real relaxing vacation, like at the beach.  In the same thought we have always always made it a priority that traveling to see family was a part of our life and our budget, and family means so much more than money.  For this decision I am so grateful, because now I have a special memory like this one.  I believe this memory was a gift....

  Last February Maya and I decided to make a trip to California.  Since my parents had moved to Placerville we had hardly been up to Paradise or Chico, so I requested to my mom that we spend most of our time up there because I wanted some sibling time.  This time was priceless and you can read my original post about it here, but I am going to recap

We got to stay with Carrisa, which I just loved, it was so fun being with her and Norah! I love that we both had young daughters.  On Friday  we spent sometime in downtown Chico going  to different baby boutiques and finding the most adorable, outrageously priced items.

Saturday it was suppose to rain, but for some reason it didn't at all, so we took advantage of the beautiful sunny weather and went to Capre Acres Park! Mom, Me, Maya, Carrisa, Norah, Jordan and Danae. It was so fun!! We let the girls play and swing, Maya just adored being with all of her aunts and uncles! We got muddy, we hide in jail, we just laughed together and remembered what it was like when we were children. I can't even remember a time we had like that with each other in years!

While the girls napped in the afternoon Jordan took us sisters to Forever 21, it was my first experience there! Carrisa couldn't believe I had never been there and was certain I would love it, and she was right. Carrisa and Danae spent the afternoon being my fashion consultants and helping me pick out cute clothes, I loved that time with them!

We went back to Carrisa's place and she made us a gluten free chicken pasta dinner with capers. I remember it specifically because I had never had capers (kind of like a little salty olive). I loved that she took the time to cook a delicious meal for all of us, we haven't had many times like that as adults.....
We also watched the girls play together.

In the evening we watched "The Time Travelers Wife." Carrisa made us fresh popcorn from her popper and it was sooo delicious! I told her how Brett had looked everywhere for a popper like hers ( a month later Brett got one in the mail from Carrisa, that was how she was, just so thoughtful and sweet) I cried the whole time we watched the movie and told Carrisa I didn't like it because it was too sad......

One other thing I vividly remember about that trip is all the time I spent discovering how talented and creative both of my sisters were. I mean I knew they liked crafts and did projects, but when they showed me some that they worked on I was amazed!! Carrisa pulled out many of the invitations she had made for weddings, parties, baby showers, etc. I was certain she should be a professional! When Carrisa passed away I searched everywhere for her golden pile of amazing invitations and could not find it..... All I have is a photo

Last Saturday night when I layed down in bed I could not get this memory out of my head.... I cherished it and was so thankful God had allowed it before Carrisa passed away...... I cried, a lot.

Time-line

Time-line.  So the timeline is a little fuzzy right now for getting Norah (not an exact date), but we have a general idea.  Originally we were going to wait until late spring or summer time to bring Norah to Colorado.  Just for some transition for family, friends and to get all of Carrisa's things in order.  This time-line was a good option for everyone, except for Norah.  We were told by many professionals (lawyers, psychologists, etc) that the sooner Norah can be with her permanent guardians the better, just for an easier transition, for her development and for less confusion.

Do you remember this post.  About  Maya becoming a big sister in February?

Well, that is still going to happen.......... Just not how we were expecting.  Our baby is coming in the form of a One year girl named Norah this February.  It's funny how God works likes that...... You know how most women get 9 months to prepare for the big transition, not so much for us.  Try 8 weeks......ahhhhh.  It is scary to think of everything, we have so much to do!  It's not just physical preparation but mental!  When I was pregnant this summer I felt like there was so much time, time to plan, time to spend with Maya and enjoy many months of just her!  Now I feel like everything is in fast forward!  I won't even get a maternity leave when Norah comes......

So what will happen is that for the first year we will be Norah's guardians or have custody of her  (2 different things, each with benefits and draw backs).  From the moment she is in our physical presence in Colorado we have to wait 1 year to officially adopt her.  During that year we will have to have a home study done.  A home study takes about 3 months and involves an evaluation of our home, a background check, meeting with social services, references and pretty much every aspect of our lives investigated, this costs about $2000 (one of the few things that makes adoption expensive).  Some of you might ask, why actually adopt her and not just be her guardian?  Adopting is safer for Norah in the long run, it makes us her parents with full legal rights, no chance of anyone taking her away.

Last night Maya was really sick, throwing up a lot and I knew that she wasn't feeling well because I know my daughter and her habits, and every little nuance.   I got so sad inside because I don't know any of that about Norah.  How will I even know if something doesn't seem right because I don't know her the same way?  Sometimes it feels so selfish, that we will get to have Norah, that piece of Carrisa that everyone wants.  Sometimes it feels like we are taking her away, from everything and everyone she knows, and that is SO hard for me!  Gosh, I wish we didn't live so far away, but right now I am certain we are suppose to be in Colorado.

The support for us adopting Norah has been overwhelming!  We had no idea so many people were thinking of us.  Sometimes I am just astonished!  It is hard for me to write and thank every person individually right now, but please know that every prayer, comment, note, donation, phone call, card, everything has meant the world!  There have been people who have donated who I don't even know, which is such a blessing!!  And there have been so many family and friends from Paradise, people who I grew up with, who I haven't even talked with in years that have just loved on us and supported us.  Please keep sharing our story!  We want others to know about Carrisa's life and the sweet legacy of Norah, and more than that we want others to know the love of Christ!

We are still raising support, I have been sewing away this weekend 

Brett was helping!  love him!

I also I will be selling some clippies that I previously made, so be sure the check out  my ETSY shop.  All of the proceeds will go to the adoption of Norah.

Here is a little peak of what else I will be selling

Ok, one more thing.  I have made these kink-less hair ties.  You can wear them in your hair all day and they don't leave a big ring and they don't rip your hair.  The proceeds for these will also go to Norah's adoption