I finally decided to do a preface/synopsis of my story, so it wouldn't take years to write or tell.
My Story (so far)
My story is much more than asking Jesus to be my savior at a young age, it is more about how Jesus has taught me about Himself through life and difficulties and how to lean on Him. He has taught me that it is our own story, each individual person, that is the greatest testimony and witness to Him. He has taught me that no matter how hard I want to control my own life, He is ultimately in control. He has taught me than in the midst of great sorrow He is the only true comfort.
I often wonder what happen to my “White picket fence story,” where I grow up with everything the way I imagined it, like the books or movies. Life is good, easy, everyone is healthy, and I have the most stuffed animals. I get married, and have my 2 children, 1 girl and 1 boy. We live in bliss! There’s nothing wrong with that dream, except for it is not my story, and I am ok with that.
|My life before I knew loss|
I have probably been through more loss and grief that some people endure in a lifetime. This has molded me and defined me in so many ways. I wish this were not the case, I wish the people I loved the most were still here, and I wish I didn't know what true pain was. However, I am so thankful for the time I had on earth with those I have loved, and I am so thankful to God for revealing His heart to me during these hard times. He knows my pain.
Isn’t it always suppose to be the “Other” family that deals with the loss? It wasn’t suppose to be mine. I wasn’t suppose to lose a father so young, no child is. I wasn’t suppose to lose my oldest brother, why would God take him also?. I have a baby, that I will only meet in heaven. I wasn’t suppose to lose my mother in law and I certainly was not suppose to lose my sister and be left to take care of her child....... How is this my life?................
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the burden of loss. My throat is filled with a huge lump that I try to swallow every time I remember how much has been taken away.......... Sometimes, I just want to go to heaven and forget about the worries of this earth.
That is not what God has for me now, He has known that plans for my life and He grieves with me. Despite the tremendous loss, my life has been filled with an unmeasurable joy, only joy that God can give. Each day is filled with blessings and reminders of His eternal hope.
It’s only been 29 years......... my story is still being written.