The end of a season

It's so strange, this time is coming to an end

Of Brett studying of Brett being in school of Brett being gone ALL THE TIME.

He takes his final CPA exam tomorrow (as long as he passes)! Tomorrow people,  I will see my husband again, the kids their father.  I'm not even sure what we are going to do about it..... I mean it's been 4 years, 4 years, almost the entire time we have had kids, sheesh

I have had to manage, adjust, make due, get bye, survive.....just be

No more throwing the kids in the car at 6 to go bring Brett his now cold dinner

No more washing the dishes, stirring the noodles,  wiping a booty and packing lunches all at the same time  (well...... actually there will probably still be some of that)

Messes like this may not feel quite as daunting

and this girl especially, she needs some good daddy time

No more doing so much on my own

but more time, together!

I'm excited for the the new adjustments to come

For me having to re-adjust to life with my husband on a regular basis

although it may be strange at first, I certainly welcome this change!

Time with the man I love!

Time with our family

And.....We leave for Houston later this week (eekk so excited!!!)

It will be so good for our family to spend this time together, with family

I have soo much to do, so much to prepare for, especially when it comes to packing for Norah

So anyone want to come detail our dirty mini van or sort through Norahs diabetic supplies?  haha, probably no one is going to jump on that awesome offer.

So I better get going,  so much to do!

He is God

It's been hard for me to look at photos of Norah

Hard to look at photos before her diabetes diagnosis and see my happy, fully healthy girl and remember those days.... when life wasn't consumed by finger pokes, test strips, pump injections and the constant worry of life or death in the back of my mind.

I can see her health!

It's even harder to see photos of her when she was sick and I didnt' realize it yet.  It actually horrifies me....how could I not have known?!?!   Little Norah must have just felt so terrible on the inside.  I just get a huge pit in my stomach and want to wipe it all away.

I have never known this type of grieving process~the loss of a healthy child, one that so many parents have experienced, one that I did not know how deeply it would affect me, and change me.

I look back and can see the affects of diabetes in Norah's life in Decemeber of 2013, I just see it in the photos, I can see the weight loss, I see something different... she was not well.

I didn't know it at the time, but she was also loosing hair, one of the many affects of high blood sugar

Her hair is growing back in a now

a whole new layer

and it's reminds me of just how sick she was and that I didn't know

Somedays I don't know how I will ever forgive myself, or if the pain of seeing those pictures will  go away, or if when I mess up treating Norah's blood sugar how the Lord will make up for all the damage I feel I am doing to her body.  All I know is that the Lords Grace is sufficient and He guides me each day.  He forgave me a long time ago when He hung on that cross and died.  and although I have messed up over and over He can overcome my mistakes,

He is God after all