Saturday, May 17, 2014

to not get tired of doing good

This season of friendship is very different for me
We are all busy, very busy being moms, so time together is usually completely interrupted and full of chaos!  It is also different than what I ever thought it would be, because we are all different.

This photo was taken on Valentines Day, just before Norah diagnosis.  It just happens that these 4 ladies have been right by my side during this rough life transition.   I have met them in various places, and we don't all go to the same church, and we all don't even run in the same circles, but they are still some of my closest friends!

I am always learning about friendship and what it means, and how to be a better friend, but I have learned so much during these past few months.

I have learned that sometimes the best friendships turn out to be with some of the least expected people.

Of these women my first thoughts of them consisted of,
"She must hate me"
"She's probably to granola for me,"
" She's to blunt"
"She's way to popular to want to hang out with me".

Now I look back and see that so many of these things are what I love about these ladies, they are traits that aren't as strong for me and they help me grow in so many ways!

For example

"She must hate me"= she's actually just really shy, and I have learned so much about kindness, being a good friend, generosity and humility from her.
"She's to granola for me" = she actually really helped me look at more balance not just in the food I eat, but in parenting, and she is always always looking out for the needs of others.
"She's to blunt"= one of the longest lasting, most loyal and genuine friends I have and has helped me to better know how to speak the truth in love and that being a woman isn't limiting.
"She's way to popular to want to hang out with me" = she has never thought of herself better than others, and she has so many friends because she is an outstanding person,  and she has been one of the best examples of a mother to me! 

I have also learned time and time again that the hard times in life really show the true colors of friendships.  These ladies are all going through rough and hard things themselves but it has not stopped them from pouring out love and kindness to our family.

My heart, mind and body have just been so tired lately.... just worn to the bone, but I am continually reminded by these ladies (through their actions) that I should not get tired of doing good.  Just as the scriptures says, " Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal 6:9   
This verse is for my life right now.

We do all have one common core, and that is Christ. 
Each of these ladies know how to surround people with life and the love in their own unique ways with Christ as their center.  
And for this I am so very grateful!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Levi Paul {8 months}

Levi Paul you are 8 Months

You are so wiggly, the most wiggly baby ever!

You crawl an army/spider crawl EVERYWHERE!  and well, life will never be the same for me

You love sneaking to the toilet, everyday!  I catch you crawling in there, gross (and such a boy thing)

You start squealing when you hear you sisters laughing and you get so excited at their excitement

You have had your 2nd hair cut, and we can see more blond hair coming in

You eat so well, picking up everything and eating by yourself, but by far your favorite food is zucchini!

You love this little swing we got you for outside

You are definitely very curious

 what mom?

You love being outside, but of course you are my child :)

When you wake up you pull your crib bumper down, drop your paci and holler for me, while waiting at the edge of your crib (right where you can see me open the door and come in.)  I love it!

You are such a people person, you always want to be near people!

My sweet and fun loving little baby boy, I love you so much DSC_0782

Happy 8 Months

Thursday, May 8, 2014

my remedy

First thank you everyone for your sweet words of encouragement, prayers, ideas, and offers for help !  So many of you have blessed our family in tremendous ways, thank you!

There is one saving grace in my life right now, and that is being able to be OUTSIDE.  If you have read my blog for more than 2 minutes or follow me on instagram, then you know I would just rather be outside.  We have had some really great weather lately, and we are trying to soak every bit of it in!

Being outside is my remedy.  I am so surrounded by all of God's amazing creation and beauty and it is easy for me to see and feel that He is near.  Some of my most intimate moments of worship have been outside, and I can remember them vividly.

I wish church were outside, rather than a stuffy building.  I know, I'm demanding, but it is just so much easier to sing and praise God without being cramed inside a stinky building.  When I was younger we would sometimes have church outside or worship outside and it was amazing!  but that just doesn't happen here, maybe it's because of the frequent lightening, or blizzards, or gale force winds, who knows what's holding these Coloradian's back, but they are missing out!

 We eat outside, play outside, walk outside, read outside, worship outsdie and for Sarah even poop outside :)

DSC_0737 DSC_0725 outside outside4 outside2 outside3

Honestly who doesn't love an outdoor summer bbq, with children destroying the yard, playing merrily in the backyard?

I don't know about you but my kids eat better, sleep better and even have better attitudes when we are outside more, and go figure even I do all of the above better !  Oh and Norah needs almost no insulin when we are outside all day bc she is playing so much, so it even makes diabetes better!  It's like free, all natural, organic, no cost medicine!  I'm in! (or actually out-side)

So here's to warmer weather, blue skies, swimming and less insulin!

Monday, May 5, 2014

It's Complicated

Once upon a time I pictured our 10 year anniversary to include a tropical island, time alone, and some R&R.

Well just like most of my life, this once upon a time has also been crushed.  
We will be lucky to get a few hours alone together in our own home after our kids have gone to bed, a date night is even far fetched at this point.

It's kind of like this photo,
we tried to get one alone, but it just didn't quite happen.  It's not bad, it just is.

I have such a different outlook on moms who take care of disabled children now, there are no breaks, no dates nights, no time off, ever.  It's exhausting.  Norah is not disabled, but I am her daily nurse.  Brett, my mom and I are the only people who know how to medicate and properly take care of Norah, and since my mom doesn't live here it's just Brett and me.  And most people aren't super keen on having to give a child shots, go figure.   Meals and night time are the are the hardest times to take care of Norah, and well, date nights typically happen around dinner and night time, plus throw in there taking care of 3 other small children and it gets a little complicated.

This has been a huge struggle for me lately.  Just feeling very trapped and stuck, not just with date nights, but with the opportunity for Brett and I to ever go anywhere together alone again,  for like the next 20 years.  It feels selfish of me to even think this or want this.  I don't have the desire to get away from my children, I love them very much and I love spending time with them, going places, and seeing their joy, but there is also a time for just my husband and me. 

 I have wept over not just the loss of a healthy child, but the loss of a tiny freedom I once had.  I never even knew it existed until it was gone, and then suddenly I realized how many moms take care of their sick children all the time and never get this break either. I just get a huge lump in my throat thinking about all the moms who have much more complicated situations than we do.

I have had a dear friend offer to help watch Norah to give me this break, and she has 3 small children herself and is basically a saint for even offering. I know the time will come where I will take her up on this offer, its just a matter of teaching her, me giving up control, and then figuring out what to do with the other kids so we can go on a date again someday.
Oh and I still nurse Levi, which just adds to the complication,
 and Sarah likes to poop her pants. 
Any takers?

 I know there is a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel, it just seems really foggy and far away right now