Monday, April 14, 2014

Are there carbs in snow? {Norah Update}

Yesterday while running into Awana's as the snow fell down from the sky, Norah stuck out her tongue to catch a little flake and then she asks, "mommy are there carbs in snow?"

It made me both laugh and feel sad at the same time.

I bet your 4 year old has never asked you a question like that, but this is life for Norah now, forever.

Any and every bite that ever goes into Norahs mouth is a math problem, a carbohydrate calculation.  She cannot just take a quick bite on the go, or have a normalish snack because her body won't know what to do...... Even meals have to be well thought out and planned and counted.

And to be honest it sucks, it always will, even though we are getting more used to it, the realization that it is never going away, is very difficult, especially for Norah, especially for me.

I think one of my greatest fears in life is something that has no end....... an illness, a disease, a nightmare with never ending tables to serve, sometimes even the thought of eternity scares me, because it has no end...... that is one of the difficulties of diabetes type 1 it has no end.  
The dream of a healthy child is gone, vanished

Despite the endless task of counting carbs, checking blood sugar, and giving injections Norah is doing really well.  She surprises me in many ways, her maturity, her understanding.  She checks her own blood sugar, she pokes herself and knows how to use the meter (even though she can't always read the number).  She  is 4 years old.
Fact: for Norah's age her blood sugar should be between 80-180
when we went to the ER her blood sugar was 700

The food situation has been a huge adjustment! HUGE!  Not that we were unhealthy eaters in the least, we do our best to eat balanced and organic, staying away from junk and GMO's., But Norah would still get an occasional treat, a cookie, a piece of candy, a juice box or simply honey on her toast (yep, can't do that anymore either).  And since Norah's diagnosis (2 months ago) she has not had even one piece of candy, and maybe 3 cookies and she has hardly complained, like almost not at all!

Maybe this is the miracle that God is giving me, because Norah loves food and sweets, I mean she was finally potty trained when Brett gave her a cupcake for going potty.  She is 4, she has been to parties seeing other kids eat candy, knowing that she used to be able to eat it..... and although Brett and I have intervened quickly in some situations with sugarless gum or a sugarless special drink when we are about to see her tears flow, she has mostly kept her head held high and had a good attitude.  I have been just utterly shocked at times expecting Norah to have a melt down of sorts, and all she says is "awww man"

Oh, but if I tell her to wear pants or that she can't have a dress up.... well that's a whole different story and battle in itself.

Our next step, trying to get Norah an insulin pump.  This will be able to give Norah more accurate insulin dosages and requires less injections, all around it will probably things a bit easier and I think long term it will be better for Norah's overall health.   And along with our expanding pile of medical bills the pump will have a price tag.  I know the Lord will provide in some way, He has been doing small and miraculous things that have helped us to keep a float

The Lord has comforated me in ways that I didn't know possible.  From Maya deciding she was brave enough to get her ears pierced because "Norah gets shots every day, so I can do it. " To Sarah requesting, "my turn" after Norah gets her blood sugar checked or an insulin shot. (And Sarah has even let me poke her finger and check her sugar).

 Although Norah's diabetes might not have an end on earth it will in heaven someday, where death is defeated and she is completely healed!


Monday, April 7, 2014

Levi Paul {7months}

You just grew up so much this past month!  I can't help but want to hug and squeeze every ounce of babiness you have left because to soon it will all be gone :(

You got to see California for the first time this past month and you loved it!  You were so flexible and easy, basically the entire trip.  You loved being outside, in the warmth, looking around and observing everything! You also loved napping in your stroller under the warm sun, some days you would just sleep for hours like that.  I'm sure it's because of that California blood flowing inside of you!
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You especially loved this sweet girl in California, and somehow you look alike, even though you are not related

You do a combat army roll just about everywhere!  I have know idea how you get from place to place, but you move everywhere on the ground without crawling!

You "roar" and "screech" just like a boy, I love your sounds they crack me up and I love that you just have them, because your sisters certainly didn't teach you how to make those sounds!

You love to eat! You are even staring to pick up a few foods and eat them.  You even love brocolli!

You also finally started going longer between feedings, which has been great for everyone!

You sometimes cry when I'm out of sight, it is both sad and endearing, you are a mama's boy and I'm soaking in every ounce of it.

You often play with my hair while nursing.

You are also the worlds most distracted nurser.  Things that cause you to stop nursing include:
-your sisters or anyone person being in the same room
-me speaking any words
-my let down not happening in 2 seconds
-the heater clicking on
-me picking up my phone or a book to read
-basically any sound or movement happening around you. 

I'm not even sure how I'm still nursing you with all of my diet restrictions and your distractions.  It is a complete miracle from God that I still have milk!  We just go behind closed doors often, but to be honest I don't mind the few minutes of peace and quite with just the two of us (that is until I can hear one of your sisters crying or fighting).

You have to best open mouth smile charming every person you flash it too

You are my handsome boy

  Happy squirmy 7 months Levi
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Monday, March 31, 2014

My First Time

I was asked to do my first guest post!!  
Check out my friend, Cristen's blog, Motherhood Matters.  
It is a blog post I wrote several months ago about 10 ways to help a friend experiencing loss,
 but it's a good one! 
I don't think it is just relevant to death, but to any type of loss, job loss, the loss of a healthy child, anything like that this post can relate too!


Sunday, March 30, 2014

A little glimpse

We just returned from being in California for 2 weeks

If there was one thing in this world that our family needed, it was this trip

I'm not exactly sure how to explain it, or express it but there is something really special about being with people who knew my sister, Carrisa, who knew Norah as a baby.

We love our Colorado family, they have been such a huge and wonderful support and blessing, but none of them ever knew my sister, or any of my family, so that loss for them is very far removed .

But for our California family, they share that loss with us.  Not just my immediate family, by all of my sisters friends. They lost a friend, and a family member just like we did.

They also lost getting to really watch Norah grow up, since she moved so far away.  So for them, getting to see Norah is something surreal and special.

Not just that, many, so many of my sisters friends have embraced and loved our family!   Not that they have to, or need to, but because they want to!  They don't just love Norah, they love and include all of our children.  They have included us and invited us and made us feel loved.   It has been such a great example to me of love, of outstretched arms, of an embrace to a hurting family......

It is in moments like these that God has sprinkled down some grace upon on our family and allowed us to see that we are blessed in the middle of something that feels so hard.

I am so very thankful, for these friendships that we have, friendships I would have never imagined or known we could have.

Here's to moments, not just poses, because sometimes capturing the moment says so much more

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And many of those we share those moments with DSC_0994 DSC_1343 DSC_1395 california DSC_0885 DSC_1314 california42 california28 california29 

 this is just a tiny glimpse of my California

Monday, March 17, 2014

Daffodil Hill

We are in California right now, I think most of you knew that.  But it is a good break for this mama and just what our family needs at this time.

And the 18 hours in the car, with 4 kids, one nursing, one with diarrhea, one heavily medicated,  and one with a missing tooth, totally worth it!

We went to Daffodil hill today, it's only open about 1 month of the year and it is truly beautiful!

These photos are not edited, just exactly what I took with my camera
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It's the little, hidden, unique places like this in California that make me love it!  Sure there are beaches, great food, great shopping, mountains, etc.  But I grew up going to the swimming holes, picking berries off bushes, going on adventurous hikes,  and smelling the aroma of gigantic pine trees, that's my California!

These are the only 2 photos I edited, and only slightly

And my Favorite

 So thankful for this day