joy sucker

I've never been that good in the kitchen.

I can cook, but I'm a recipe/ruler follower type of cook.

I'm not good at making up my own things, adding ingredients, or being creative.

It's kind of like I am in life, the rule following, not really creative type (all my good ideas come from other people).

I have never disliked cooking, and at times I have really enjoyed finding new recipes, and baking things, especially on cold winter days.  And one of my favorite thing to do in life is have people over for dinner, seriously, my favorite.

but recently the joy of cooking at all has been completely sucked out of me, especially baking.

I hate that I feel this way. 

Baking is currently is a task for survival.  I have to cook a lot from scratch for Norah.  This is how we best manage her diabetes.  no sugar, starches, or grains.

It's work.  It's not creative.  Or fun.  Or even all that tasty. And it's expensive.

Christmas season was hard.  A lot of the usual Christmas baking didn't happen. I attempted to modify a cookie recipe so Norah could have it, and well...... like I said I'm not good at creativity...

I usually make something special for Christmas morning breakfast, that didn't happen either.

 Every ounce of my extra cooking time goes into making Norahfied sugar free/grain free bagels, crackers, cereal, granola, and cupcakes, using pounds of coconut and almond flour.  I can't even remember the last time I baked normal cookies for my family

So I did today

I'm tired of life trying to suck the joy out of me, and last year was a real joy sucker.

So I pulled Levi and Sarah up to the counter and we baked my mom's famous chocolate chip cookie bars.

With white flour and brown sugar, all things totally bad and delicious, full of lots of sugar, gluten, and carbs!

I let them lick it from the spatula

so delicious Levi can't even keep his eyes open

And have a cookie for lunch

And get chocolate everywhere

And it was great

(just don't tell Norah)

Even as I sit here right now and blog, I'm enjoying this delicious chocolate Gooiness

Despite the work that goes into making healthier foods, not just for Norah but all of us, it is way easier than managing the stressful and scarey roller coaster of blood sugars that would happen if Norah ate anything she wanted. And I know that the hard work now, will help her have a healthier future.

I enjoy blogging to, and diabetes sucked the joy out of that too.  So here's to more cooking, blogging and doing a few things I like every now and again.

P.S.  I got a Kitchen Aide for Christmas!  I have wanted one for 10 years.  It took a small village to get me one $$$, but I'm so grateful.  Hoping it will help!