This letter was suppose to be written before your arrival, but you came a little early, so now this letter is a little late, sorry buddy.
Before you were born I thought it would be nice for you to have your own birth month and not have to share it with your sister Sarah and both have September birthdays, but then I would always think to myself, that would make you a bit early (like 2 weeks), so probably not. And the morning I new you were coming, Aug 31, all your dad and I could think was that your little personality was already saying, "I ain't sharing nothin with my sisters!" Ha!
I already miss you being in my belly, your little kicks (well actually big kicks), your hiccups, that special time we had...... you are/were probably the last baby to be in my belly and that is so very special, and something I will always remember and hold close to my heart.
Levi, before you were ever born, before I even knew what you looked like, I couldn't imagine our family without you. You have such a special and unique place in our hearts, you are our first son.
Yes, you have 3 older sisters, crazy and scarey, huh?!?! I used to think you would be doomed, doomed to have so many girls around you, older than you, bombarding you! But, you know, now I think that you are going to make the best husband someday. You will know women better than anyone! You will be loved and cared for like no one else.
Entering our Goodlin family dynamic is a unique situation. I often wonder how I will explain to you how our family was formed, when you will be old enough to tell and to understand. Our family has suffered a great deal of loss and heartache, and I pray you will never have the same heartache in your life, but as Wes Stafford prayed over you, "that you will have just enough heartache to rely on the Lord." I will never forget those words, from the Compassion International president, it was like he already knew the thoughts and prayers I had for you.
I wish so badly that your grandma Fran were here, she left this world so suddenly and was just shy of meeting your oldest sister Maya. I can't express to you how much she would have loved you, cuddled you and been a close part of your life. She would have been so excited to have a grandson living so close.! And my Dad, Eugene Paul, he would have been your grandpa, and you were partly name after him Levi Paul. He was the most joyful person I have ever know. I pray that although you will never meet him on earth that part of his spirit will alreays live with you. He is the one who told me, in a dream, that you were a boy. I would like to think that he knows, he knows you are here, that you were his first grandson, that you are so very special. He would be so proud. And then there are my brother and sister, your uncle Darren and aunt Carrisa, you won't get to meet them on earth either, and their lives have touched and changed so many people, I wish you could just know a tiny bit of who they were.
But for each loss there is also a gift, a person that you do get to meet and share part of your earthly life with instead. Now you get meet Grandpa Ed, he will love you unconditionally and teach you how to be the best runner! And Grandma Yami, she has already spoiled you, she outfitted you for your entire first year of life! And Norah, one of your older sisters, you are blessed to have her as a sister in your life now, not just a cousin and she adores and loves you soooo much!
There are many people who look at our life, and our family and think it is too much, that we have to many small children and now another? Levi, please know you are never to much, that God set a perfect and special place for you in our family in His timing. We are so blessed and excited to have you.
And although I am sad that you are not in my belly anymore, I am so excited that I have gotten to meet you!! My sweet little boy. I can't wait to get to know your personality, your unique quirks and ways about you. I already love you so much and never want to let you go.