A small town

(Hold your breath this is a long one)

The first part of our trip to California was to a small town, known as New Cuyama, CA (about 50 miles away from Santa Maria), we went to see Grandma.  It is where I was born and 4 of my other siblings, it is where my Grandparents owned half of the businesses, it is where my dad grew up, and it is where my Grandma has lived for over 50 years.   It isn't known for anything, expect for being on this fail blog

It was an oil town, and is now dying since there is no longer very much oil.  It is a town that holds so many memories for me though, good memories.

My first house

My first friends

My first time remembering

I was Maya's age when we moved away

It is so strange to go back, it brings a wave of emotion, a flood of thoughts about my father and my Pop Pop (grandpa).  I still seem to be able to smell the cigars that have been gone for over 14 years, because that smell is a memory of my Pop Pop that I hold onto.  I can feel the raspberry kiss on my cheeks from him, and hear his laughter and see how much he loved all of his Grandchildren.

Thinking of him makes me think of how wonderful of a grandpa my dad would have been, how much he would have just adored his grand daughters.   The girls, they slept in his old room, and I was hoping they could have just a glimpse of him, a scent, a photo, anything.  I love that Norah shares this with Maya & Sarah, she shares this side of the family, they have the same grandparents, the same great grandparents, it is really special and something most adoptive parents don't have.

And then there were the memories of my brother Darren, he spent more time in New Cuyama than any other town.  In fact, this tree was planted  in front of our house the year he was born, the tree is 36 years old.

It got me thinking a lot, you know being very sentimental and thinking about life in general.  It got me thinking how each of our lives is just this breeze that passes through, and how everything around continues to change and grow even though people aren't around anymore, everything moves forward.  This tree is still around, creating beauty, sharing shade when the leaves bloom, making an impact, yet my brother who is gone is still making an impact, on me at least.   So what then when I go, when all the trees around my house have grown, when a hundred years have passed and I am gone, will I still have made an impact?  Will my life be remember, or will is just be a breeze that passes?

And then there is my Grandma, my last living grandparent. She has lived an amazing life.

It was so special to see her, to have her spend time with the girls, to meet Sarah.

She is Special

 I don't talk about the losses of my grandparents as much, but they have all in their own way been difficult and each grandparent has been special.  Now with only one Grandma left, who is getting older, and who lives far away, it seems only a matter of time before she is gone too.  She knows this , and talks about it.  I had a lot of emotions on my last night there, knowing that this may be the last time I see her (or maybe not).  It is hard to feel like a generation is almost come to an end in my family.  I love my grandma, she is such a hard worker and strong woman.  She is a little spit fire.  She has seen the loss of all of her siblings,  2 spouses, a son and 2 grandchildren (and many friends).  My grandma is full of life and full of memories, so what I asked on our last day with her was for a memory of my father, a good one, and it was perfect.  It was a gift that only she could give, that only she could remember, something that will be gone once she is gone.

seriously treasuring this moment

I may never go back to this town, who knows, but I wanted to snap a few photos, just to remember.

I wanted to remember the street that I walked down hundreds of times, and take my girls down it

the valley

the old airport

our old house

the burger barn

Time at the park

they will all be missed...

I am so glad Grandma got to meet her youngest great grand daughter

When we were leaving my Grandma said to me, "see you again, someday somewhere" I had to walk away quickly to avoid the tears.

Love you Grandma

see you again, someday