Yesterday while running into Awana's as the snow fell down from the sky, Norah stuck out her tongue to catch a little flake and then she asks, "mommy are there carbs in snow?"
It made me both laugh and feel sad at the same time.
I bet your 4 year old has never asked you a question like that, but this is life for Norah now, forever.
Any and every bite that ever goes into Norahs mouth is a math problem, a carbohydrate calculation. She cannot just take a quick bite on the go, or have a normalish snack because her body won't know what to do...... Even meals have to be well thought out and planned and counted.
And to be honest it sucks, it always will, even though we are getting more used to it, the realization that it is never going away, is very difficult, especially for Norah, especially for me.
I think one of my greatest fears in life is something that has no end....... an illness, a disease, a nightmare with never ending tables to serve, sometimes even the thought of eternity scares me, because it has no end...... that is one of the difficulties of diabetes type 1 it has no end.
The dream of a healthy child is gone, vanished
Despite the endless task of counting carbs, checking blood sugar, and giving injections Norah is doing really well. She surprises me in many ways, her maturity, her understanding. She checks her own blood sugar, she pokes herself and knows how to use the meter (even though she can't always read the number). She is 4 years old.
Fact: for Norah's age her blood sugar should be between 80-180
when we went to the ER her blood sugar was 700
The food situation has been a huge adjustment! HUGE! Not that we were unhealthy eaters in the least, we do our best to eat balanced and organic, staying away from junk and GMO's., But Norah would still get an occasional treat, a cookie, a piece of candy, a juice box or simply honey on her toast (yep, can't do that anymore either). And since Norah's diagnosis (2 months ago) she has not had even one piece of candy, and maybe 3 cookies and she has hardly complained, like almost not at all!
Maybe this is the miracle that God is giving me, because Norah loves food and sweets, I mean she was finally potty trained when Brett gave her a cupcake for going potty. She is 4, she has been to parties seeing other kids eat candy, knowing that she used to be able to eat it..... and although Brett and I have intervened quickly in some situations with sugarless gum or a sugarless special drink when we are about to see her tears flow, she has mostly kept her head held high and had a good attitude. I have been just utterly shocked at times expecting Norah to have a melt down of sorts, and all she says is "awww man"
Oh, but if I tell her to wear pants or that she can't have a dress up.... well that's a whole different story and battle in itself.
Our next step, trying to get Norah an insulin pump. This will be able to give Norah more accurate insulin dosages and requires less injections, all around it will probably things a bit easier and I think long term it will be better for Norah's overall health. And along with our expanding pile of medical bills the pump will have a price tag. I know the Lord will provide in some way, He has been doing small and miraculous things that have helped us to keep a float
The Lord has comforated me in ways that I didn't know possible. From Maya deciding she was brave enough to get her ears pierced because "Norah gets shots every day, so I can do it. " To Sarah requesting, "my turn" after Norah gets her blood sugar checked or an insulin shot. (And Sarah has even let me poke her finger and check her sugar).
Although Norah's diabetes might not have an end on earth it will in heaven someday, where death is defeated and she is completely healed!