remembering

Brett and I are house sitting for his dad (Dan) this week. We are helping to take care of the dogs so Dan doesn't have to pay someone again. It's a really big house, that feels so empty and alone. It is weird being here, I have been by myself a lot today, with just the dogs and the rain falling, which is kind of nice, just to have some alone down time, but it just given me a lot of time to think.

There are so many memories of Fran here, and so many things that are different in the house that make me miss her. There are no more horses, yet the barn smells like they were just there yesterday. The kitchen cupboards are all re-arranged, which is just frustrating because I used to know where everything was and now I can't help but think to myself, "Fran would not have liked this arrangement," but it really doesn't matter that much. Then I feel the baby move, and can't help but feel a sadness that Fran won't get to meet her. I just want Brett to get home soon. I can't imagine being in this big empty house by myself all the time.