1 year ago

1 year ago today I lost my 2nd baby. He/She was just 10 weeks old.....

 

It was a strange day.  In the morning I went in for an ultrasound with Brett.  We saw our baby, the ultrasound tech did not say anything to us, she was just kind of quite.    She did not give us a photo of the baby, which I thought was weird, but I was at a new place and thought maybe they didn't do that.  I was sure if anything was wrong she would have said something.... We left thinking everything was fine.....  It wasn't until a few hours later, when I went to my Dr.s appt that I was told the baby did not have a heartbeat......  I was by myself.  I was devastated.

That same day, late at night my baby was delivered, not in a way I would have ever imagined......just a surgery that I was not even awake for.  I remember waking up after the surgery all by myself...... knowing what had just happened and feeling overwhelmed with sadness....  One minute I was pregnant anticipating this baby in our future, in our family, the next minute I wasn't.  I never even had a chance to meet our baby, to know if it was a boy or a girl, to see what it looked like.  I have nothing tangible to remember this baby, no photo, no clothing article, nothing...... just a faint memory of an ultrasound. That is very hard for me, to have nothing, to have never known.

Our baby was due February 12th, 2011.  Little did I know this was the baby that would be coming in February, February 7th to be exact!

Little Norah. 

This was the baby (or 1 year old) God had planned all along to come in February. 

He always amazes me.

And now, here I am pregnant again, this time I can feel the baby move everywhere. I have seen her, I have heard her heartbeat, I know she is alive. I know this time that she is a girl and her name is Sarah.  As I sit here right now I feel so sad for the baby I lost, but I can feel Sarah wiggling and I feel blessed to have her.  Had I had a baby in February I would have probably never felt, heard, or known Sarah, for this I am thankful.

July 14th is a day I will always remember, I lost my first child. My heart aches that I never had a chance to meet my baby on earth, but I know I will meet him/her in heaven someday. 

I will always have 4 children.