Wednesday, December 4, 2013

On Christmas 2013

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas, let your heart......

that song gives me a lump in my throat every year ever since that dreaded phone call 3 years ago on December 11

The anticipation of the season is filled with such mixed emotions.  I am so excited for the season, to celebrate Jesus birth, to have special family time and activities, to snuggle in warm blankets by the fire and drink bliss in a cup, but deep down there is a raw sadness.  The memories well up inside of me, the memories of that one Christmas season that was filled with so much sorrow, a plane ride filled with tears, an embrace with my family with one less member, the thought of a child without her mother. The knowing that I will never get to share this season with her again.

To think that was just 3 years ago, and we had only one little girl....
and now we have a family of 6

With a little guy in the mix 

The Lord has blessed and healed our family in many ways, but I still miss her.  
I wish she could see our family now

I still have dreams of her, ones that she returns but I don't know how to tell her that Norah is ours, and that I can't give her up now

They will always be there, those memories, those emotions. 
I will hang her ornament every year
and the one from Norah's first Christmas

and I will always feel a wave of sadness and hurt
December 11 will always come and so will A life to continue, 
one without her, 
but one with a Loving God who sent his son, as a tiny baby to Save us
so someday I will get to see her agian

1 comment:

  1. <3 I truly believe your sister is looking down on you with love and pride for all that you have accomplished and also with absolute gratitude for the way you have accepted and cared for her baby girl. I hope you have a Merry Christmas <3


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