On Christmas 2013

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas, let your heart......

that song gives me a lump in my throat every year ever since that dreaded phone call 3 years ago on December 11

The anticipation of the season is filled with such mixed emotions.  I am so excited for the season, to celebrate Jesus birth, to have special family time and activities, to snuggle in warm blankets by the fire and drink bliss in a cup, but deep down there is a raw sadness.  The memories well up inside of me, the memories of that one Christmas season that was filled with so much sorrow, a plane ride filled with tears, an embrace with my family with one less member, the thought of a child without her mother. The knowing that I will never get to share this season with her again.

To think that was just 3 years ago, and we had only one little girl....

and now we have a family of 6

With a little guy in the mix 

 

The Lord has blessed and healed our family in many ways, but I still miss her.  

I wish she could see our family now

I still have dreams of her, ones that she returns but I don't know how to tell her that Norah is ours, and that I can't give her up now

They will always be there, those memories, those emotions. 

I will hang her ornament every year

   

  

and the one from Norah's first Christmas

 

and I will always feel a wave of sadness and hurt

December 11 will always come and so will A life to continue, 

one without her, 

but one with a Loving God who sent his son, as a tiny baby to Save us

so someday I will get to see her agian