We went through my dad's trunk when I went home to California
It was hard
really hard
and overwhelming
I am human, and I love the Lord, and it is ok to have human responses, to not always put up a front. And when I went through the trunk and read, read about the new paper articles about by father, read page after page of High school students saying how special my father was, read about how great of a marine he was, that he was highest in his class, that he was loved by so many, that he was indeed a GREAT man........
all I could think was, "how unfair"
how unfair that I only got a tiny glimpse of my father
how unfair that everyone else knew what a great man he was and I only saw a small glimpse
how unfair that my girls will never know him
how unfair that I just found out he had a degree in aeronautical engineering
how unfair that my girls will never know him
how unfair that I just found out he had a degree in aeronautical engineering
how unfair that my 25 year old sister sitting right next to me was only 4 when he died
how unfair that his teaching credential came in the mail a month after he died
how unfair that this great man could be gone, he could have changed the world, he wasn't done yet...
we needed him, when my brother died, and when my sister died, we needed him in life
and yet life is not fair
I could go on and on about how so much in my life has been "unfair"
and I think it is ok to have these thoughts,
to grieve and acknowledge that it really isn't fair
but then to stop and not dwell on them, to move forward
as unfair as that seems
because what would that serve? to dwell and mope in pity forever?
it certainly wouldn't honor my father
and it certainly is not what the Lord has planned for me
He has plans for a great future, to prosper
one that has hope and joy even in the midst of hard times
I can be sad and shed tears for them and that's ok
but I have an eternal hope that won't ever go away
When I listen to the song "after the storm" it reminds me of that hope. That when I get over this hill, after the storm, I will be able to look up and see hope, with joy in my heart...and there won't anymore tears
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beautiful post. your dad sure sounds like he was an amazing man.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing this.
xo
ash
Great pics, Jenni and great thoughts. You are like him. So full of life and fun.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had known him. I almost feel like I've met him because of you girls. Maybe your girls will feel the same way? You can tell them about him and what a great man he was. I love to see pictures. He reminds me of both of your brothers. Actually, I can see a bit of all of you in him.
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