Sunday, April 14, 2013

On life lessons ( # 1 love)

When my sister Carrisa, at the age of 23, who was unmarried, found out that she was pregnant, the first person she called  to tell was Not a Christian.  It was a friend, a good childhood friend, whom she felt would not judge her.

Sad.   Really, that is sad for Christians.

I am one, that is a Christian, and Carrisa  certainly did not call me first, because I was in the group of people that she considered would "judge her." Because as a whole I think most of society sees Christians as judgmental, and we have done absolutely nothing to change that, because really a lot of us are judgmental.

I am not gonna get all preachy on you, just process through a life lesson I have learned.

Love covers a multitude of sins. 

You see a pregnancy for someone who is not married is so different, because although we ALL sin, my sisters sin was on display for the world to see, especially by choosing to keep the baby.  There was no secret to keep.

In my heart when Carrisa told me she was pregnant, I never felt mad at her, or judged her, I just felt a lot of disappointment, and I knew her road ahead would be harder, harder as a single mother.  I wanted to just wrap my arms around her because I knew a lot of her disappointment was coming from herself, she wasn't proud, but she certainly wasn't going to get rid of the baby.  She was alone and hurting inside. She just needed love.  Isn't that what so many of us need when we make a mistake? If I could rewind there are so many things I would have done differently to show her love and not just tell her.

I have had times where  my response may not have been so graceful though, I have judged others, thought their choices or things have done were wrong and not been a good friend. Shame on me. I certainly don't know all the details of peoples lives and It is not my job to judge.  It is my job to love.  So whether I have a friend who gets pregnant at an unexpected time, someone who gets a divorce, a friend who chooses to live with there boyfriend,  or have an abortion,  have a different parenting style, whatever it may be, I should be by their side loving them.   It is a very hard line to balance, because showing love does not always mean you agree with what a person is doing. 

I just think as a whole Christians who don't agree with something tend to disassociate themselves from  it.  So, if we have a friend who make a choice we don't agree with, we just stop being their friend.  Terrible. (and I did this in high school, really terrible, I know).  This is why it has turned into a life lesson for me.  I haven't always just automatically loved, I have pushed away from friends, instead of loving them.  I can look back and see what I did was wrong, judging others, and now I can choose to change it.

I recently just had a friend tell me that they had a honeymoon baby.  And when some of their friends found out that they got pregnant so soon, they basically stopped being their friend because they thought they had done inappropriate things before marriage and it was just to close to call.  Oh, this just made me cringe!!!   So what if they did make a mistake, it is not my job to figure that out, it is my job to be a friend, and believe them and even if a mistake was made, still be their friend.  So annoying, that is exactly why people don't like Christians. 

Remember that girl I told you about that was so incredibly loving and supportive, writing letters to my brother Darren when he was dying, would you believe this is part of her story. Truly, she is one of the most amazing women!

Man, I would just really miss out on some awesome people if I spent all my time judging them.  

And one thing is certain,  we may make mistakes, but God certainly doesn't



  1. OH MY GOSH, i was going to leave a comment after reading only half way, as I agree wholeheartedly with every word you have written, as you can see from my blog, but then, you surprised me----you are SO sweet. thank you for your kindness. i was having a great day already, but this has topped it off. and encouraged one of my next blog posts even more "When blessing keep on giving...."--coming soon : )

  2. Thank you for sharing your perspective, Jenni. This is actually a subject God has been making me think about a lot. One of the things I've been dwelling on is that life does not end when things happen that aren't ideal. God has GRACE for that. He doesn't slap a big scarlet letter on our chests. So why does the church? It's not right. It's not okay. We have left compassion behind in our quest to be "holy". I'm guilty of this too.

  3. Good post, Jenni, and you are right - I know there is that tendency to disassociate when we don't agree with somone's behavior, and that is sad really! A good reminder that we can show love to someone whether or not we agree with their choices!

  4. Such a good post Jenni. Thanks for sharing. I struggle with the fine line of loving vs enabling. It's a delicate balance of love and support versus rewarding or approving of the behavior. Hard for me to put it words but this is something I've struggled with as I think so many have. It is very sad that people are afraid of us as Christians, and definitely shows where we can improve. :)


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