Sunday, January 23, 2011
A little time away
This week I was fortunate enough to take a quick break from life and meet a good Omaha friend, Sarah Cz at the beach. This trip was planned in November as a way for me to spend some quality time with a friend who had just gone through a tremendous loss. On November 1st, 2010, Sarah had an emergency c-section and delivered her 25 week old daughter, Harper. Harper was born without a heartbeat........She was able to be revived after about 10 minutes of CPR, but then only lived for 2 days.......To read more about Harpers life go here.
This loss was devastating for the Cz family, the community, and even for us as their friends....It just broke my heart, that my friend was hurting so much and that this precious baby was taken way to quickly. We had all prayed relentlessly for God to spare Harpers life, but He chose not to................... I felt like such a horrible friend for not being able to go to Harpers memorial service, you see I couldn’t go because that was when I was in California visiting my family, it was the last time ever saw Carrisa alive........
There have been many parallels in our lives. Sarah lost her father at a young age, her older brother had a brain tumor (although he did survive), we delivered our first children within 2 weeks of each other, and we both, at one point carried babies whose due dates were one day apart (Feb 11th-baby Harper, feb 12th-baby Goodlin) and now we both were coming together, no longer carrying the children that would have been due in just a few weeks........ Although,Sarah’s loss of her baby was immensly more tragic and devastating than ours, virtually un-comparable.
This trip was just for Sarah, until December 11th...... When Carrisa went to be with the Lord. At first I didn’t know if I would still be able to go on the beach trip we had planned. It really wasn’t my top priority, especially all that was going on with Norah, but I desperately wanted to see my dear friend and hug her, not just for her loss now, but for mine as well. My husband later told me that, he was going to make me go on the trip, NO MATTER WHAT! It worked out and I was able to meet Sarah in Fort Myers Beach, Florida on January 19th.
Part of me struggled, struggled that I was bringing a burden with me. I wanted this trip just to be for Sarah, for her to reflect, to talk, to cry, whatever she needed....... It was hard for me to feel like I couldn’t give her all of that, that part of our trip would now be about my loss as well...... it just didn’t seem fair.
I couldn’t have imagined a better friend to spend time with though........Sarah Cz is the friend everyone should have. She is so sweet, selfless, sincere, a pursuer of Christ, hilarious, fun, and the person everyone likes. She is a once in a lifetime friend. When Fran died 3 years ago, Sarah and her husband were with us in a heartbeat (and Linds too :O)) I feel so blessed to have her in my life. We don’t see each other very often, since she lives in Omaha, but our friendship never fades. Months may pass before we talk and it is still so easy to reconnect! It was just like that when I saw her in Florida.....like no time had passed.
We stayed at the Pink Shells Beach Resort and loved everything about it from the minute we walked in! Our room had big glass doors the opened up to the perfect view of the ocean, and the 78 degree weather wasn’t bad either.
We did enjoy pedicures our second day at the resort, a tradition we have always had as friends.
But most of our time was spent on the beach, what we both wanted. There’s something about the ocean........ It was peaceful, the sound of the ocean was calm and relaxing. The sand between our feet was so soft and running our fingers between it was somehow therapeutic. The sun was warm and uplifting. We talked, we read, we napped, we cried together, we listened, and sometimes we were just quite. We also laughed......yes in the midst of us mourning together we laughed so hard! In fact, I don’t even remember the last time I laughed like that. It was good for the soul.....
Oh and we couldn’t spend time together without a trip to Starbucks, something we always do when we are together!
I loved hearing Sarah’s process. In some ways we could relate, but there were so many things that were very different. One thing I know is that losing your own child while they lay in your arms is probably the hardest thing I think a person could ever encounter, ever. I do not know this kind of loss, and I hope I don’t ever have too..
Sarah and I had complementary breakfast every morning at the resort, it was a gourmet buffet. Every night we dressed up though and went out to eat, it was so fun
Sarah and I have had tough moments, moments of barely hanging on.......We are not always strong, sometimes our lives feel like they are crumbling. We have fears, we have scarred hearts, but we have hope. Hope in Christ, that He has a plan, that He has our stories written and in the end we will have immeasurable joy with Him and those we have lost.
We had do much fun together and were sad our time came to an end, but so happy to see our families again
at 2:24 PM