Friday, February 18, 2011

Thinking of Carrisa

I normally don't post anything on Fridays, but I have been in my room all day, incredibly sick!  I haven't been this sick since I became a mother and I feel like I can hardly function.  Good thing my parents are here, or Brett would have to come home, because I can hardly drag myself to the toilet.

I have been laying in bed, reading, thinking, and sleeping.  I have been thinking a lot about Carrisa.

I remember when we found out she was pregnant.  The word shocked was an understatement for anyone who knew her.  I was never mad at her.....I just felt a deep sadness.  Sad, because I felt like this is not what God had planned for her life, sad because the life of a single mother is hard and stressful, sad mostly because she was dealing with so much ridicule.  I remember her calling me crying because of some of the things people had said about her.  My heart broke inside for her pain.....  Surely my sister had made a mistake, be we ALL have, and hers was just magnified by the outcome.

Babies are a gift from God, no matter the timing or the circumstance and Carrisa loved her baby from the minute she knew she was going to have one despite others opinions.  Some how, over time, I think so many people changed their opinion of Carrisa's situation. They saw her love and they began to love her baby as well.  I loved when we found out the Carrisa was having a girl, because I knew it would be so fun for Maya to have a girl cousin so close in age and I knew Carrisa would be the best mommy to a little girl with all of her creativity.

Norah was born on May 23, the same date as Darren was born, she was early.  Most of you already know this, but Maya was born on the same date Darren went to be with Jesus, April 13, she was early too.  For some reason this was very special to Carrisa and I, it was like a way of God reminding us that He cares and that life is such a precious gift.  I wonder what the date Dec 11 holds (when Carrisa passed), because it seems like it is suppose to have some kind of meaning like all of the other dates in our lives.

It is so strange to think back about Carrisa's pregnancy now, because my perspective is totally different!  I believe God did plan this for Carrisa, He can redeem situations.  He allowed her to see a love that is like none-other on this earth, the love for a child.  I think this love is just a glimpse at how much He loves us.  Carrisa was given a gift, for just 18 months, but I am so glad she had her!  Norah changed Carrisa in so many ways,  I know she grew up, and grew a lot closer to the Lord.  Carrisa had an opportunity to experience unconditional love on this earth and I am so grateful for that, I just wish it could have been longer.......

Norah is a true gift from God.  A reminder that He is in control of our lives no matter what we think they should look like.   She is a reminder of Carrisa, one I get to see everyday.

Carrisa's friends said that when just passed out her lips were moving and she was whispering something they couldn't make out.  I will always wonder what she was trying to say.......

1 comment:

  1. Jenni..... thank you for allowing us into your heart with this.... how beautiful.... I didn't know Carissa as an adult...but I do remember her being younger.... what a blessing Nora is.... give your Mom a BIG hug for me.... when your feeling better... and we will continue to keep the family in prayer... GOD BLESS.....


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