Letters: #3

Dear Brett,
Yes, the 3rd letter is to you, my husband!  We have been married for almost 7 years and have known each other for just about 12.  We have had one crazy ride together and I think it is just about to get crazier!

I used to always think that the hardest years of our marriage were the first 2, when I was in hygiene school.  I mean there were so me rough moments, lots of crying (really just me), no money, not so good jobs, and lots of stress.   I remember wondering each month how we were going to pay our bills.....We ate pinto beans, and pancakes, and even rinsed out sandwich bags, but some how we made due and got by.   You taught me how to trust God with our finances and know that He was going to take care of us.  I missed my family a lot, and I feel like I brought a lot of the pain from my past into our marriage.   It never bothered you, in fact in someways I think it made your love for me stronger.

We have shared probably the happiest moments of our life together; our wedding day and the birth of baby Maya. 

But we have also shared the hardest moments of our life together;  your moms sudden passing and my sisters sudden passing.  I used to always think that the hardest moments in life were behind us.......

 Losing your mom has probably been the hardest death on me, not just because I lost having her in my life, but more because you did.  Sometimes I still can't believe it.  It has broken my heart knowing that you have lost your mother..........    I feel like I think about your mom everyday, maybe that it why it has been so hard.  I think about the way it should have been, or was suppose to be.  And losing her has impacted our life and future so much.   Losing your mom has made what used to be a close family, feel broken.  Right now in this moment of life, I feel like we need her soooo badly and she isn't here,  I hate it.  She, of all people, knew how to make everyone feel like family, even if they were not her own, and I wish we could just have her here to help us.

Losing a mom is something a child should never have to experience.  Now there is sweet Norah, this tiny previous girl, who has lost her mom in an unfair way, just like you.  You will be able to relate to her in a way I cannot. 

I love that you instantly thought about Norah, after her mom died.  You had no hesitation even thinking that she should be part of our family and you had so much courage asking Norah's father the toughest question on the planet!  It speaks volumes about your heart.  I don't think all husbands would be so eager for such a task.  I remember one lady commenting on you, the week the Carrisa passed, she was just watching you and everything you were doing, she said, "Man he is a keeper!" You definitely are! 

I love that you have seen me in my rawest, hardest moments and you still love me and have encouraged me through them.   I feel like I have cried more than any wife, and you don't always know why, but you always comfort me. You know me better than anyone else, you have seen me at some ugly and selfish times and yet you still love me and have never wavered.  You are a servant.  Your life is so busy with  full time work. school and soccer, yet you still manage to buy me flowers on a regular bases, clean often,  and even take Maya off to play so I can have some time alone.  You have helped me to continue to trust in God and have hope even in my very darkest moment.

You make me laugh more than anyone I know, that is one of the reasons I fell in love with you.  I love that you can grow facial hair, even if sometimes it gets a little out of control.

I love that we can be silly together....

We are about to start another crazy adventure.! We have spent the passed few months, crying together, laughing together, and being in awe together.  We have seen Gods hand in the midst of our family.  I know both of us never pictured this for our lives, and we are going into a very unknown territory, but there is NO ONE I would rather do it with.  You are going to be a wonderful father to Norah, just like you are to Maya.  I love you so much!!  Thank you for always loving me, just the way I am.