4 years ago-a day we will never forget

Tomorrow will mark the 4 year anniversary of Frans (Brett's mom) passing. She died September 22nd, 2007 from being bucked off a horse. I will never forget where we were, we were in the car driving home from Pueblo, of all places, and Brett got an out of state phone call from his uncle. All I could hear Brett say was, "mom died!" I was so confused, I thought Brett must have been mixed up or misunderstanding what he was hearing. I took over driving and asked what hospital we needed to go to...... but there was no hospital to go to, because she was already at the morgue..... what!?!?

We didn't understand what was going on there was so much confusion. All we knew was that she was bucked off of her horse onto the highway and died instantly (we know this because a paramedic witnessed the accident and tried to re-vive her immediately). This happened early in the afternoon on the 22nd and we were not informed until almost 9pm at night...... Brett's father was out of town and the police did not know who to contact initially.

There were no goodbyes, no last words, no last hug or kiss, no hospital visit just gone in an instant! So much of it reminds of Carrisa's passing... some how if we even had a minute to say goodbye it feels like it would have made a difference.

We have tried to piece together the afternoon Fran had with her horse, Phantom. We know she was near her home, just riding bare back. She spoke with the neighbor, the neighbor went inside and shortly after something spooked the horse, we don't know what, and the horse went running straight for the highway, not far from their home. We don't know why Fran didn't bail off the horse before she got to the highway, maybe she thought she could stop it, but the horse bucked her off on the highway, she hit head first.......no helmet on, no protection.

In so many way I am glad she did not suffer, but for so many reasons, especially for my husband I wish she could have said goodbye. Brett was very close to his mother, they had a very special relationship........ my heart ached for the loss of Fran, but more so my heart ached that my husband had to lose his mother, it is still hard to swallow. I knew what it was like to lose a parent and it was so hard for me to see my husband lose his. Her death has seemed to affect my life so much more that I would have ever thought. I think about her daily, she was the best mom, she knew how to make a blended family work and work well. She loved children so much and just loved loved loved her grandchildren! My last memory with her I will never forget.....she stopped by my work to see the ultrasound picture of Maya when I was just 8 weeks pregnant with her. That is the only time she ever saw our baby......

Oh what it would have been like to have her here today, to meet Maya, Norah and now baby Sarah. She would have been so thrilled to have 3 grand daughters living so close. She left this earth with only 3 grandchildren and now she is about to have 9. Only one of those grandchildren will even have a memory of her..... it makes me so sad for them. It doesn't seem fair.

She would have embraced Norah with full arms of love and helped us through this transition, I miss her.

I know she is with Jesus though, taking care of 3 grand babies in heaven.

This is one of my favorite photos. I actually found it in Carrisa's things after she passed away. Fran is just watching me with my sisters and her smile is priceless

and I can't help but think that baby Sarah will be born tomorrow